(I’m not going to bother with grammar, today is my second last day and I lost care with being punctual).

Like the last, I plan to exaggerate my self-perceived knowledge to look like Kurt’s thought of the king of literacy. This note will be complicated compared to the other notes I plan to write, but the complication will be relative to you in our shared universe and commune. I’ll try to keep it less selfish than I usually do when we talk, however, that tort is speculative because I’ve given you no rebuttal time in this suicide letter.

Alright. I don’t know where I stand with you anymore if I did at all. But, I believe you loathe me at this closest point. I don't understand the absurdity of our universe and its complexities which I can admit to. I walked down the street taking my complaint papers to Albert Camus but he must have shredded those papers upon arrival on his desk.

I’ve grown too irritable to the point where I’ve become something else entirely. I went on a whole gendered crusade to find myself (Zeno and Ellie) but whatever I’ve become doesn't hold conformity to tags. The Entität (German for entity) is fragile to be deemed humanoid even, the heaviest thing it can raise aloft are the blankets from its daily hibernations. Everything moves swiftly around Entität, it cannot catch a single breath. Poor asthmatic.

Ahh, what the fuck am I saying? Look, if you haven't already. You looked at me much and you looked delightingly fetching whenever you did so. Entität was flawed yet you showed me and it grace. Fuck these quirky cliché phrases, I love you.

Like the first, don’t give up! Never assimilate like me, just you being you is all I ever wanted. You never upset me in a conventional sense, I mean how could an angel vomit spit like Eris the God of hate? We’re growing so ancient that tomorrow will be the day all our belongings will be held in a museum. I don’t wish to see that museum opening in a city near me or far away. I desire to freeze Entität so that it may no longer affect the human race, but I am not a hero. Jamie, you wouldn’t like to meet such a degrading villain, but I don't know best for you so who am I even to speak suicide?

Find people to replace me completely, forget my existence and don’t you dare bother to remember when you have added joys come 2025 and counting. Never remembering me is directly remembering the loser four: Zeno, Ellie, Elijah, and Ratdice. The mere moment you remember me is when Entität the overthinker, abuser, deceiver, and judge comes to strip my self-proclaimed identity.

I know I promised you I wouldn't do anything until January, 1st, 2025 but Entität is kicking my ass. It wasn't a big Nirvana fan I’d admit. However, how do you outrun emotion? By being a stoic or by being such a depressive fucking abnormality that emotion itself starts to get emotional for you? Let me rest already, Jamie. Entität controls me as a marionette whose strings are frayed and tangled, unconscious to my desperate attempts to function.

I wanted to be comforted until my body digested me until Entität did that. It was never your job to assist me, but I’m grateful you did. It's 61 degrees Fahrenheit (16 Celsius) today but it feels like 41 degrees Fahrenheit (5 Celsius) according to someone else’s measurement on the internet. I don’t know what it feels like outside. Nevertheless, you made cold days feel a little warmer, to be cheesy today. I figured it would’ve been 70 degrees Fahrenheit today but I was off by a margin and two. No surprise, I haven’t been happy enough to go outside and justify checking the temperature to see if the plans would change. I have no friends, family, or partner, but you. Maybe If I transitioned I would’ve been so satisfied, but again Ellie got denied. So, it’s Zeno’s turn to see if they can expire like Elijah and Ellie.

I want to make a point to say I love you so much and I know I’m a hypocrite for killing myself and ruining our promise. I know I’m a failure for that and more. I know that I deserve nothing so I’d rather look like nothing. Fuck Zeno, Elijah, Ellie, and Ratdice. Right?

We can not tell universal truths so why bother telling someone that sounds like it? I can not relate to people and I wonder if we really relate to each other. I love thinking if you think about me but I never know. I should stop talking about it.

Fuck everything I lost to is what I’d admit to. I feel no remorse for my crime, they must already pull the death chair for me and on me! To my true love, I’m simply apologetic that I couldn't wait for complete fantasy, tch. I could kill to be in your arms right now Jamie. I don’t know if it's the same with you, but I’d kill for some chicken noodle soup just wasting away on Nirvana and muttering my tiny words to you on a call. Birth, breed, die is so humanistic but so inhumane to foolish humanity.

Narcissism is missing what you have had, but I have had nothing in my, shall we say, lastly described inhumane birth?

Marry! Have kids, pick up a stray cat, get your driver's permit, and finish school! Do everything I could never have done! Experience for yourself, not me! I lost comfort in sorrow and pleasure, I’m not a kid anymore! Not stating you have to be a child to feel said emotion, although it feels that way with drugs, childhood development, and truths told. I don't wish to be optimistic anymore or tragic anymore! All my talents are graded or not appreciated, I have died because Entität has made me crave outer validation! Never care for what anyone does or says! You are the only person who can relate to yourself fully, so be nice to yourself. I let someone else (not you) take over me and I must kill both the parasite and me in a suicidal tendency.

I’m so proud of you for the things you told me or haven’t that you wished or needed to be thanked for! You’re so unbelievably competent compared to me! I sob so pasty whenever I think about what you’ve done or tell me what you’ve done. Replace me! You’ll be good at that, I can believe you in that. I could never find anyone like you and I never did try to earnestly.

I’m at my basement in my house like always, but I am not at my mental house both ways. The distance between Maryland and you is 14,000 miles. I’m too homesick!

Society, something that hasn’t been monitoring my workplace mistakes can’t fire me because I quit!

Kick, Push!
- The egos of Elijah, Ellie, Ratdice, and the addition of Zeno this time!